still a little bitter by RUNNrabbitRUNN, literature
Literature
still a little bitter
jerry, my unknown old friend,
you make me feel so old
after all these years.
glances years back and forthe.
looking into your eyes again,
it's like shaking hands
with that 15 year old kid
who's so bitter,
angry and confused.
i wonder
have you yet reconciled
with your sadness and rage?
after all these years
one would have hoped as much.
but tell you the truth
you shard of my endless rebelious past
tell you the truth, jerry
i have not.
sometimes i think
i've never changed an ounce.
and somehow i understand so much more
than i did 16 years ago.
but still,
and i think i never will
quite get what the hell ha
while the arms itch
and the eyes wild
and the ears beg
and the mouth dry
and the nervous movement
and the faltering step
and the clenched fists
and the hunching shoulders
and the curvature of the spine
here certain the surrounding insects
the trembling bees surrounding this singular hornet
i am certain they are coming to get me
their eyes all alien and aggressive
mouths agape and seething with froth and false mirth
small combustible atom bombs held within fragile glass my eyes
tremor and twitch
and god i laugh because i cannot defend myself
and god i am aware that i laugh because i cannot define myself
and god i am hyste
rules and regulations by RUNNrabbitRUNN, literature
Literature
rules and regulations
rules i must abide by to survive:
1.) i must keep my mouth shut. especially about myself. especially to family, bosses, and friends.
2.) i must not eat anymore. coffee and cigarettes are good enough.
3.) my feelings are wrong. i must shove them down, just swallow them down and forget about them, not let them surface.
4.) work is good. i must work to pay for my oppulent lifestyle of hiding from family and friends, to pay for shelter, cigarettes, coffee, cat food. i should work more. i should work all the time. as soon as i can break thru this exhaustion and constant emotional bullshit, i will work all day every day. i will become machine.
driving into the summer heat night
dead moon stagnant air din
beneath gruman's tired dragon eyes
they pace the Walk
elvis and charlie chaplin
spiderman, superman, batman
cher, bill clinton, octomom
texans, new yorkers, germans
slackjaws and opulence-wide oculars
those the vacant-flash-vacant facades
made up differently to look the same
all of this incessant movement
so meandering and lost
wonder if they appear as ants twenty thousand feet up
good morning;
the smell of effervescent airs
greet me like a stone wall,
whispering a breath of moments long lost,
the sorrow that i cannot seem remember...
don't waste your time on me
i woke up one morning
to find that this bench i knew was gone.
no longer beneath the young eucalyptus tree
in my other grandparents backyard,
where grandad tried to tell me things
every grandchild should know.
for years i did not realize it was his way
of saying goodbye to me.
what fickle heart the child never sees the gravity of situations...
don't waste your time on me
many years gone now
i've tried and tried to remember
what he said,
sorry, i'm trying to write by RUNNrabbitRUNN, literature
Literature
sorry, i'm trying to write
locked the door
shut off the phone
gone ghost online
duct-taped the headphones to my head
lashed myself to the chair
caffiene on an iv drip
ashtray full of Win
parents are worried
say i act like i'm on drugs
husband is lonesome
say i haven't been to bed forever
cat is pissed
say i haven't fed him ever
friends are gone
say i never call back anymore
music's on repeat
say i haven't eaten in days
is the sun even up
say i don't remember last i left the house
i think i slept a few minutes last year
say i only blinked
sorry, i can't be me right now
i'm trying to write